The way the acceptance email opens

The official acceptance letter/email hit the intertubes yesterday and ended up in my gmail account yesterday. It was a very tense thirty minutes after I rushed home from the mall to check my email account. But after a violent attack on my computer for taking to long to load, I did the happy grad school dance for the rest of the night. There is so much to think about. My thesis project, housing, insurance, and of course how is this all gonna be paid for? Big money, big money, big money!

Now for something completely different. Fairy tales are tales of wonder and enchantment but, let's be honest they are total B.S. Not only do they make the female helpless, they also insist on creating a false reality of perfectionism that no one (not even Martha Stewart) can obtain. Thus I have created a new series called Reality Ever After.

Rapunzel is sitting out on the balcony of her bedroom sipping her morning coffee and wondering what her beloved Prince Stew (you didn't think his REAL name was Charming did you?) was doing at the Renaissance Fair. (This is why you don't agree to marry someone you justlet down your hair to) .

She absentmindedly began to stroke her long luxurious hair when she realized that she was stroking thin air. Hrmph, she thought to her self as she ran her hand through her thick blond bob. It had been two weeks and she still had the occasional bout of phantom hair. It is going to grow back, it is going to grow back.

Only why did it have to take so long? 2 weeks had been long enough for her to fall in love and marry the love of her... well let's face it the only man she had EVER laid eyes on. He promised he could get her out of that damn tower and with that promise Stew's receding hair line and lager belly became his charming qualities. It was only when Stew carried her over the threshold of their 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment did Rapunzel realize the mess she had gotten herself into.

She had just begun to grow used to her humble abode when her loving husband broke the news that he would have to go on the road with the traveling fair and would not be back for a couple of weeks. He told her to find a hobby while she was waiting for him. Maybe crochet or knitting would keep her mind occupied while her prince was off playing with the wenches and warlocks.

Oh she had found her hobby. Rapunzel took her last sip of coffee and set her cup down on her desk. She sat down at her computer and began to read her email's for the day.

"Dear Mistress Zel ..."

Dog Parks & Funny Ladies

*Today's Question*

Who inspires you?

I know that is really general but I don't want to put to fine a point on the question. I rather have broad answers then stifle the creativity that is the world of blogging.

Tina Fey is one of my many inspirations. She is not just some funny woman because she has comedic timing down. She writes her own funny. She is fearlessly funny! Did I mention the woman wears glasses and is funny! She went from SNL writer to SNL News Anchor to creator of 30 Rock and then SNL's infamous Sarah Palin sketches. I have always found funny women to be my encouragement to be myself. You don't have to be a super model to be funny.I get through the rough times by being funny. I always have and I always will. Think of Carol Burnett coming down the stairs draped in Bob Mackey green velvet curtains with the curtain rod sticking out from her shoulders in the classic Gone With The Wind sketch. That is funny.

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Today I took the dogs to the dog park with my friend Beth. It was pretty interesting considering that the dogs have never been anywhere but home and the vet. We then walked the dogs all around the regular park. It felt great to go out and walk again. Not that I can't walk. I have feet and legs but I mean walking for exercise. It was fun and exhausting at the same time. It is definitely a thing I will be doing more often.

If it looks like, smells like and floats like...it is a duck.

I have never been the girl who has been able to call a bitch a bitch. I know what I would like to say to the egotistical, psycho but like any good grenade it is on a time delay I might think that she is nothing but a self important bitch, but that only gets voiced in the safety of my home surrounded by the friends and family.

Instead of voicing my opinion my filter takes hold and I swallow that pent up rage and it comes out my eyes in the form of tears. My mother says this is something I get from and "for that I am truly sorry." This is how I came to the conclusion that a career as a super spy is not in my future. You don't see Bond get all teary eyed every time the bad guy escapes his grasp. I honestly wish I had the confidence to verbally punch someone in the face with out blinking. That kind of power is to be held in awe.

Because I am lacking in the verbal trouncing department I spent the majority of my childhood be trounced verbally. Now I will admit (after some 19 years) that part of this childhood abuse was because I was cuter, smarter and generally better at all things I tried then the rest of my peers and if you don't believe me just as my momma. (sports not being a thing) However, the name calling and teasing that plagued me throughout my childhood and into my undergraduate years has stopped. This is because while I still can not deliver the lingual K.O. I no longer hang around those who do not appreciate the fact that I am cute, smart, and generally accomplish all tasks I put my mind to.

As for the filter removal, it is a work in progress. I am starting with "you are a poop head" and working my way up.

BREAKING NEWS

TODAY'S HEADLINES

In Austin, Texas today, a crazy man flew his plane into a building that housed the IRS after he set his own house on fire. He did this because he had beef with the IRS. His crazy manifesto that is published online for all to read tells us this. A reporter on the local Houston news referred to this incident as an "accident." Now I am not one that likes to argue semantics but I don't see how flying a plane on a suicide mission into a federal building can be considered an accident. An accident is more like "Oops I spilled the milk", "Oh no, I locked my keys in my car " or even " Holy CRAP I shot you in the face!"

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Thermodynamic Theatre

The very first "Today's Question"

Can any one person change the world? I am not trying to be pessimistic. I know that given certain circumstances one person can have an impact on a group of people. But does that impact have the ability to infiltrate so many people that it changes the world?

I am currently loving the great heat debate. Obviously all of the anchors on Fox news got their degrees in degrees. That is why they have become experts in the field of weather and climate. Clearly a thing like Global Warming could not exist when blizzards are attacking the United States. There is no such thing as cold water that might be coming from the South Pole's melting ice mixed with the Pacific water current thereby lowering the temperature of the water and creating the environment for a blizzard...that is just crazy talk and Al Gore is the king of crazy talk.

I love the dramatics of news programs. This performance of superiority. In truth that is what news is. Without the news people would be in the dark about the rest of the world. Before "Your Local News at 5" or the news paper people lived in their tiny towns, drank their sludge, farmed their master's land and never knew that other towns existed. With the invention of news, peasants became people in the know. And as we have all been told Knowledge is Power. Those who are in the know are the ones who hold the power and the news casters are the ones who are in the know. They are superior. The hold the power to inform either correctly or incorrectly and they always know before we do.

Do I have to acknowledge Valentine's Day?

Happy 14th of February! There. I am over it.

Today has been rather uneventful which is just exactly how I like it. After spending several weeks teaching children who didn't really want to be taught I am excited to have a couple of days off. While subbing is not my long term career position I have learned quite a lot about myself as a human and as a young female.

First, I have no patience for laziness. The fact that you don't "wanna" do something is not a good enough answer. If I had control of the world (plans are in the works) I would eliminate the answer choice "Don't Wanna" from the vast list of excuses. I do not care what you want to do. If you want to ever leave this place that you call hell A.K.A. public high school you need to keep your head off the desk and answer the 4 multiple choice questions.

Second, I am apparently attractive to 17 year old boys. Creepy.


Third, I can handle the complaining, name calling and constant state of rudeness from the children (excuse me) students OR I can deal with the disrespect, insincere attitude and naivete from the administration. However, when combined together they form a giant ball of CRAP IT that no one can withstand. God bless teachers like my mother who somehow manage to go to work everyday and NOT commit studentcide or administratorcide.

Whew! I got that off my chest. Now what shall I do with all of this free time?